Out of Darkness
I’ve been quiet on here for some time now and I think it’s about time I get back on here to give a bit of background as to why I’ve been avoiding the blog and social media.
A few months ago, I was diagnosed with severe burnout. I’d heard the term burnout before in the context of being burnt out from work or some people recently being burnt out due to COVID, but I never placed myself in that category. I’ve always been a hard worker and any challenge that’s come my way has been a welcome one. Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work so most people don’t recognize them, a quote from Ann Landers that is pinned to my writing desk reminds me each day.
What the articles don’t write about is the burnout that can happen at home, from trying to be too many things at once. Since getting married last September, and still living at home while Chris and I sorted things out I’ve been trying to manage; being a daughter, sister, wife, full-time employee, business owner, and of course author. Also, throw in a dash of some semblance of a social life to make things interesting.
A quote from Linkin Park’s Pushing Me Away comes to mind as I quickly realized this at a therapy session I wasn’t quite sure why I was attending to being with: even the people who never frown eventually break down.
Then it all clicked and I realized where the numbness I was feeling had all come from. It was burnout, that ugly word I’d been seeing all over the internet.
Why so long with the In-Laws one might ask? After catching COVID in April Chris came down with complications that took months to diagnose as a rare condition called Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome also known as POTS which left him unable to work for about eight months. He’s starting to do better now and is working again but it’s been, to put it bluntly, a rough eight months for both him and me. There’s also a long road to recovery that’s in its early stages with this.
Burnout has also taken a hit at my writing unfortunately and I’m sorry to say that book four of Q-16 will be delayed because of this, but don’t think for a moment I’ve given up. I suppose in a way like Annetta at the end of Lord of the Unfinished Tower, I’m dealing with a new reality and a lot of change.
In terms of the burnout diagnosis, it’s meant that I’ve had to scale back from posting as much on social media and on here. It also means some nights not being able to write because I have to hold onto what reserves of energy I have to fight with the other tasks there are in life. I know in my heart that this is only temporary but it hurts to write nonetheless.
I’ll leave this blog with the opening words of Q-16 and the Lord of the Unfinished Tower:
Change. The eternal cycle of life moving forward and never taking a second glance back. All living things experience it and it is one’s decisions that shape the future of who they are to become. They are the lines between duty and love, pride and humility, false heroism and true valour. Though it comes no matter how one tries to postpone it, the ultimate outcome belongs to the heart of the one standing within the storm.
Until next time everyone, keep it awesome!
